People have different kinks. Some might be into feet, long hair, role-playing, or anything else. But sometimes, it can be challenging to share your fantasies with your partner. It is normal to be scared of their reaction. We all want our partners to accept us for who we are, and that includes our kinks.
Let’s talk about how you can bring up the topic and start talking about sexual fantasies. Hopefully, you will learn that you are already on the same page.
Test the Waters
The only way to start talking about sexual fantasies is to start slow. If this is important to you, there is no reason to rush it, and the last thing you need is to scare your partner. Based on your kink, the safest option is to test the waters by casually mentioning it in conversation.
Ask for their opinion and whether they would be willing to discuss it further. We fully understand how scary it can be to start talking about your fantasies, especially if you don’t know how your partner will react. But the only way to make a difference and start discussing the subject with them is to actually talk. Sharing fantasies with your partner is important, regardless of whether you are in a long-term relationship or not.
Just remember not to be pushy and start small. Hopefully, they will understand how you feel, and they will be comfortable trying new things with you.
Focus on Themes, Not Details
Once you start talking about fantasies and kinks, you don’t need to go into detail. It is important to start the conversation, and as soon as you bring up the topic, you will feel a lot better. Hopefully, your partner will be willing to discuss it further.
The easiest way to start talking about this is to ask your partner what turns them on the most. Naturally, you will get a chance to talk about how you feel and what makes you tick. The only thing you need to remember is to leave all the details for later. There is no need to go through every single bit at once. You don’t want to scare them away.
Talk About Core Erotic Feelings
One of the best relationship tips we can give you is to talk to your partner about feelings. Try explaining to them how your kink makes you feel and what kind of emotions you go through thinking about it.
Once you tell your partner how this fantasy makes you feel, they will be more likely to agree to try something new and different. The reasoning behind it is obvious — your partner will get a better understanding of how important it is to you.
Some fetishes can be quite extreme, while others are benign and harmless. In both cases, it’s never easy to talk about something as personal as fetishes, and the best idea is to be honest and tell them everything.
We recommend you start slow and build your way up. You don’t need to be direct and bury them in countless details and potentially scary scenarios. So take it slow and see how they feel about it.
Don’t Yuck Their Yum
One of the most important things when sharing fantasies with your partner is respect. They might tell you something that you’re not really into. It might be weird, unattractive, or unusual. But regardless of what they tell you, you need to be respectful.
The last thing your partner needs to hear after sharing something personal is kink-shaming. It is essential that you validate their fantasy and show them that you care. Tell them how excited you are, talk about how that makes you feel, and most importantly, explain how honored you are that they shared something as private with you.
You can also let them talk more about it. Ideally, they will explain why that specific sexual activity turns them on. What is so exciting about it? There are so many things you can learn about your significant other, even if you don’t share the same fantasy or kink.
Now that we’ve talked about understanding and respect, we should mention that you should never do something that you don’t want to do. It is as simple as that. Consent is the most important part when it comes to sex and sharing fantasies, and if your partner wants something that you don’t like, you are allowed to say no.
The rule works both ways. Never try to force your partner to try something just because you want it. It is selfish, and it can cause a plethora of problems for your relationship.
So when you share your fantasy, always ask them if they would like to try it. Just because they were accepting and understanding it doesn’t automatically mean they would be willing to try it. Think about your partner’s feelings, and always ask for consent.
Know It’s Okay to Be ‘Vanilla’
There are so many fetishes out there, and everyone seems to be into something different and wild. But not having a fetish isn’t a bad thing. People always talk about ways to spice things up, and not everyone requires that.
You could be in a perfect relationship and both you and your partner can be the happiest people in the world even if you always do it in a missionary position. You should do what makes you and your partner happy.
People often forget that being vanilla is perfectly fine as long as it works for both of you. So don’t try to force anything just because 50 Shades of Grey is so popular. If you don’t need whips, chains, and anal beads, that’s fine. You do you. As long as you are happy, that’s the best possible choice.